Cindy is single and a perpetual shopper. She uses shopping to self-sooth because she is lonely and does not have a partner. She also uses shopping as a way of coping with stress. Some people call this “retail therapy.”
Yet Cindy knows that it’s not a way out of stress. She feels even more stress when she opens her bills and sees her credit card balance. She criticizes herself telling herself that she will start saving tomorrow but tomorrow never seems to come.
Cindy’s conscious mind wants to save money but somehow she can’t make that happen. Her subconscious mind is at odds with this conscious belief because Cindy has a core belief that someone else should take care of her. I call this “White Knight” syndrome.
Most of my time is spent working with heart-centered entrepreneurs and people that want to make a difference in the world. Yet I see far too many people confusing their self-worth with their net worth.
I hear you should “ask for what you’re worth” when in reality – you are priceless. When you get out of your own way and focus on your customer, you ask for the value of the services provided.
Yet what holds most new entrepreneurs back is their ability to ask for money, which is a critical skill to have to become successful.
How you feel about yourself will impact how you handle money. What you believe about yourself is what you live out. In other words your life will flow according to what you believe. If you believe rich people are mean or greedy, you won’t be a rich person. If you believe, “People like us just can’t save money,” then you will spend money as fast as it comes in.
So it’s vital that you figure out what you believe about money especially if you money life isn’t what you desire.
Most of our beliefs are tied to a core belief we have. Each of us has core beliefs about money. Many of these were handed down generationally to us from our parents or our grandparents.
These core beliefs are your “money mindset.” This mindset influences how you behave with money because these core beliefs are in your subconscious mind.
Below are negative beliefs that I heard growing up and that I’ve collected in my seven years teaching about money. Notice how you feel in your body when you read these. If your body flinches or tights up, you may have some energy around that belief.
- Money is the root of all evil.
- I’m not good enough [at what I do] to get paid for my services.
- I will never be able to create a successful sales pitch [ask for money].
- It’s not nice to ask for money when you are helping someone.
- I don’t deserve to get paid to do what I do [coach].
- I don’t offer enough value [to be paid].
- People won’t pay for this [my services].
- It’s not spiritual to make money.
- Money doesn’t grow on trees
- To save money, you have to do without a lot.
- You have to work “hard” to make money.
- Rich people are greedy and dishonest.
- Money doesn’t come easy.
- There’s a limit to how much I can earn.
- I can’t do what I love because it doesn’t pay well.
- I will never have enough money.
- I have enough money to get by and don’t need anymore.
- It’s easier to spend money then to save money.
- It’s too difficult to get ahead.
- If I have money, my friends and family will not want to be around me.
- Time is money.
How to uncover your subconscious beliefs
- The first step is that you must become aware of what you believe about money.
- Next you need to understand that your limiting money beliefs create emotional suffering. By suffering I mean any negative emotion such as stress, sadness, frustration or anger that drives your behavior (actions you take in the world) giving you the financial results you have in your life today.
A subconscious belief will create an emotion that will pull you back to the default state. Your emotions are energy that creates a vibration or a tone. People energetically pick up the thoughts and feelings of those around us. So if you are a coach and you feel desperate for money, then you’ll send out a vibe that might feel desperate or needy.
- You can clear beliefs and negative emotions using emotional freedom technique where you tap on acupuncture points on the face and upper body. If you tap key points on the body in a certain order then it would clear the beliefs. Check out Brad Yates EFT video called “Being a Money Magnet.”
- The Work of Byron Katie is a form of inquiry that you use to question any stressful thought, fear or limiting belief. Inquiry opens your mind to your truth in that situation and it takes you back to peace because that belief doesn’t have the power over you anymore. We use both EFT and The Work of Byron Katie in Smart Women Make Money to help you clear out beliefs that are holding you back.
Limiting beliefs are just beliefs. The power of The Work is that you find evidence or proof of how the opposite of what you believe could be as true or truer than the stressful belief. There’s no truth to these beliefs especially if they cause you stress. That may sound odd but that is the power of inquiry in The Work of Byron Katie.
For example, when you were growing up, if someone in your family lost a job and caused financial hardship for your family, you might decide that something like this would never happen to you. That belief could drive your behavior to be an overachiever.
So why is it so difficult to get what you want?
Because your subconscious mind is running the show. This is why if you aren’t seeing positive change with what you desire financially, it could be a belief in your subconscious mind is at odds with your financial desire.
Ninety-five percent of your decisions, actions, motivation, mood, and results are driven by your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is much more powerful than your conscious mind and that’s why we want to work with it. The beliefs you hold are in your subconscious mind will drive your emotions, which in turn drive your behavior, which gives you the results you have in your life today.
Your subconscious mind is designed to keep you safe. On the hierarchy of needs – we want to be safe. When you don’t feel safe, your subconscious mind creates a change in your energy and creates an emotion that will cause you to not feel safe. If you’re an entrepreneur, you’re in the business of sales whether you know it or not.
So let’s say that you got rejected in middle school. It’s possible that when you have a sales conversation, you get nervous and break out in a sweat. Your subconscious belief is behind the scenes trying to protect you from being rejected.
You want your subconscious mind to be aligned with your conscious money goals.
Every issue you have with money is because your subconscious mind thinks it’s serving you – if you’re having money issues it could be that part of you is not feeling safe with money.
This is your financial thermostat. You will be stuck at the level that your subconscious mind believes you are safe. Once those beliefs are cleared out then you are free to move up.
In my story above, Cindy’s conscious mind wants her to save but her subconscious mind is waiting for someone should take care of her.
How to work with your subconscious mind
The first step in transformation is awareness. Where do you have resistance with earning money or taking care of your finances?
Notice if your financial area of your home is full of clutter. Do you not face your online banking but ignore it?
For example when I first became a coach many years ago, I had resistance to growing a list of subscribers when I first started out.
I felt that this would put too many demands on my time and I would have to work all the time. It was easier to stay in marketing mode and blog regularly and work on my web site then I won’t have to get out and speak and grow my list. That resistance led me to struggle for a few years.
Be kind to yourself. Notice with curiosity why you are resistant. Your subconscious mind and your fears are giving you information to see. So notice what the resistance is and seek to understand what scares you with money.
Do you feel safe with money? If not, can you think of experiences from the past that had you take away a lesson or meaning about money? Is your fear or inner voice trying to protect you by keeping you playing small?
Get your subconscious mind on board by befriending it and changing it’s programming. Use powerful declarations – strong promises to yourself.
Declare what you most want.
In Cindy’s case to work with her belief, she would make promises or declarations to herself on a regular basis. She would put her right hand over her heart and make a declaration, “I can take care of myself and save money.” She would repeat this daily and put notes around to remind her. She would start to compile “evidence” or “proof” of how she is doing that. By practicing this, she would reprogram her subconscious mind by directing it towards what she wants.
Instead of shopping to self-sooth, she could find another alternative such as taking a walk after work.
Cindy will her get her subconscious mind on board by telling herself that she will take care of herself by saving money. Next she would keep the promise to herself and start a savings account.
By keeping the promise to herself to save instead of shop, she is compiling proof (evidence) for her subconscious mind that it’s working together with her conscious mind. Remember your mind will seek evidence for anything it believes. So instead of believing someone would rescue her, she is looking for ways to positively self-sooth (nurture herself when she is in stress) and by saving
The best time to make a declaration is when your mind is in the “alpha” state before bed and just after waking.
Your subconscious can and will do what you tell it to do. Find proof of examples of how you can do it or other people have done it.
I love to use The Work on Byron Katie. The downloadable app is only $1.99 for your iPad or phone. This is another way to question your fears or thoughts that are causing you to overspend or to sabotage your financial life.
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