Why making amends is a key step in helping you manifest prosperity.
“The best way to understand forgiveness is to realize that to forgive and to ask for forgiveness is the best use of one’s energy and also one of the most important paths to self-healing.” ~Deepak Chopra
When I was in 7th grade, I decided to do what my friends were doing so I tried out for cheerleader. I was amazed and a felt a bit like Sally Fields when she accepted an Academy Award and exclaimed, “You like me. You really like me.”
I tried out again to be cheerleader in the 8th grade. That year, my sister started middle school and she tried out for cheerleader in the seventh grade.
My sister made the 7th grade team. I didn’t make the 8th grade cheerleading team.
I was devastated.
I made up a story about myself. I told myself that my ego thought I was “somebody” and that’s why I didn’t make the cheerleading team.
I thought I was “too big for my britches.”
The outcome of this defining moment was that this began to define who I was in the world.
I started hiding and playing small.
You see each of us makes a meaning out of negative defining moments. I’ve heard it said that we are the sum total of the top 10 defining moments in our lives.
Our beliefs shape the course of our lives.
I made it mean that I wasn’t good enough.
I’m ashamed and sad to say that I was mean to the girl who did make the cheerleading team. I wrote a nasty note to her. While this cheerleading story might seem trivial to some people, it triggered in me behavior that I’m not proud of that I want to clean up.
To be the best version of yourself, it’s important to look back on your life and make amends to people you’ve hurt or judged.
Until I did my personal growth work, I’d never heard of making amends.
Byron Katie says that making amends is cleaning up your life.
In the past five years, I’ve made amends to loved ones that I hurt. Recently as part of my work on manifesting prosperity and to clean up my life, I made a list of people from my past that I want to reach out to and make amends.
Byron Katie says to make your list of amends to the people you want to ask forgiveness from. Then in a heart-felt way – ask yourself and others how can you make this right. Then you make it right.
How you heal yourself by making amends:
When you make an amends, you release the energy that is stuck in the past.
You want to forgive yourself for anything you believe you did to hurt someone. Making amends in only one step, forgiving yourself is the next step.
Resentment, anger and hostility are negative emotions.
Deepak says hostility is an inflammatory emotion that causes physical inflammation that can result in inflammatory cardiovascular issues or is also linked to autoimmune disorders.
Remember that holding grudges, guilt, shame, and hostility are negative energy.
To manifest your most prosperous life, you want to clear and clean up your negative energy.
The tone (energy) you emit is how the Universe responds.
In my case, I’ve felt bad and ashamed of myself about this incident every time I’ve thought about it. In my hurt and anger, I was mean to the girl who in actuality was the best cheerleader for the team. So as part of cleaning up my life, I’m making amends to her and others that I have hurt.
“When we know better, we do better.” Oprah
It takes courage to reach out to someone you’ve hurt and ask for forgiveness. And there’s a very clear way to do it that I’ve learned as a facilitator in Byron Katie’s Institute for The Work.
How to Make Amends
- Start making a list of everyone that you need to make amends with. Your list can include anyone (dead or alive) or anything that you have harmed or hurt in any way.
- If you’re holding judgement or anger about someone who has harmed you, start by filling out a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet (JYN) from Byron Katie’s web site.
- Look at question #3 from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet — How do I react when I believe that thought? How do I treat others when I believe that thought? How do I treat myself when I believe that thought? The answers to those questions become part of your amends letter or statement you make to someone when you are making an amends. Never add defensive statements – stay clean in your amends letter – this is about asking them for forgiveness.
- In my case, my email to the woman in my story above includes this answer to question #3 on the JYN worksheet, “How do I react, what happens (physically and emotionally) when I believe that thought I hurt her?I feel sad that I hurt her and ashamed of myself.
- If you need to forgive yourself, ask yourself: “Was I doing the best I could at the time?” Write down what you want to forgive yourself for and burn the paper or shred it. Let it go – get it out of your psyche and body, and release it.
- If you can make amends to someone in person, do it. If not then write a letter, call them or use email.
- As you write your amends, stay in your own business and notice if you are defensive or in their business and talking about what they said or did — that’s not an amends. Before making amends, check in with yourself first. Ask yourself if doing the amends would cause more harm to the person. If so, make amends to yourself instead.
Use Emotional Freedom Technique to Forgive Yourself
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