I had a woman in my Smart Women Make Money class years ago who was struggling with a limiting belief about money. She never felt like she had enough money.
She had a successful business and made good money yet she felt like she never had enough.
I helped her get to the root cause of this problem, which was a belief.
She realized through our conversation that the belief her family held was that “people like us just can’t keep money.”
I knew that there was a core belief underneath that belief.
I worked with her to find out what she made it mean that people in her family couldn’t keep money.
What she found out was the belief that if she made more money than her friends or family, they wouldn’t want to be around her.
In short – they might not love her anymore.
This was a powerful belief because one of our core needs as humans is connection.
So unconsciously she was spending money as fast as it came in because she was afraid her family wouldn’t want to be around her if she made more money than they did.
This is a great example of how our beliefs shape our life.
What you believe is what you’ll act out consciously or unconsciously.
The action you take as a result of how you think and feel gives you the results you have in your life today.
As soon as she was conscious of how that belief was driving her to spend money as fast as it came in, she was able to change her behavior.
To transform your relationship with money, you first must become aware of what’s not working for you and become conscious of what you believe about money.
Then understand how that belief drives your behavior. You begin to watch your behavior as if you are a scientist.
When you notice for example, that you are spending money to feel better, you can stop and do something about it.
What you believe about money is what you’ll create in your life.
If your financial life isn’t what you want it to be, I invite you to become aware of what you grew up hearing from your family.
Your thoughts and beliefs will trigger your emotions. If you’re not feeling safe with money, write down what makes you feel unsafe.
These might be fears. One thing you can do right away is to use the emotional freedom technique (EFT) to tap out overwhelm and worry.
One of the things I want you to do is to take a hard look at your finances.
Write down the answers to these questions:
1. What do you believe about your earning capacity? What do you believe is possible for you to make?
2. Do you believe that you can only earn a certain amount of money? This is your “inner glass ceiling” or financial set point.
3. What’s your story of spending? When do you overspend?
- Do you add to your credit card debt by spending even though you know you won’t be able to pay it back?
- Are you an emotional spender? Do you go out and spend when you’ve had a good day or a bad day to reward yourself?
- Get clear about your spending patterns and notice which ones aren’t working for you.
4. What’s your story of saving?
- Do you save?
- Would you want to start saving?
- What’s stopping you from saving a small amount of money — even if you save $5 to $10 in a jar at home?
Get clear about the real reason you aren’t saving.
I notice that many of the women I work with avoid looking at their money situation. They are afraid of what they’ll see.
What you resist will persist. What you put your “attention” on grows.
So the first step in transforming your relationship with money begins with knowing what your current story of money is and deciding if it’s not working for you, to change it.
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