How to build resilience in a health crisis
Learn how to build resilience to help yourself get through the hard times in life.
How to become resilient when a health challenge strikes
Photo by Edurne Tx on Unsplash
Hi friend, it’s Sherold Barr, a coach, survivor, and thriver of three unimaginable traumas. I’m a poster girl for post-traumatic growth.
My physician gave me sage advice at my first appointment with her after the near-fatal car wreck seven years ago.
“Don’t compare yourself to who you were before the accident.”
Compare yourself to who you were right after the accident. That’s your baseline.”
She recognized my determination and take-charge attitude would cause me more stress than healing if I didn’t start at the right starting line. I was in a new race for the run of my life.
After five abdominal surgeries in four months, I still needed a urological surgery to pull my bladder up so the urologist team could remove the scarred kidney ureters and reconnect what was left to both kidneys.
One of the surgical complications of that surgery is nerve damage due to how the patient is positioned on the table. To prevent trouble from past lumbar back surgeries, I put a pillow under my knees to support my back.
After the five-and-a-half-hour surgery, I woke up to a completely numb left leg.
My surgeon confirmed that I was in that position during the surgery. My femoral (quad) nerve was compressed.
My worst fear was that I’d never walk again.
This event became a dark knight of the soul for me.
If I could not walk, my life would never be the same again.
“What if I can’t walk again without a cane or a walker?”
All I could do was to cry. What if I can’t hike again? At this point, I didn’t know if I’d have to use a walker or wheelchair for the rest of my life.
I had a choice: I could stay stuck rehashing the story, become a victim, and make this problem somebody’s fault (the surgeons).
Or I could accept what had happened and move forward.
I chose to take responsibility and move forward with my life.
The first thing I did was to call the anesthesiologist and ask if the spinal block could have caused the numbness in my leg.
“No, that would not cause your leg to numb,” he said.
After two days of crying and feeling down, I decided to move forward again because I’d come so far in four months - six major abdominal surgeries in four months and seven outpatient procedures.
At my first appointment with my urologist after the surgery, I wanted her to know how I felt.
“I know the numbness was most likely due to the length of time the surgery took and the position I lay in during the surgery because I’ve researched this. I want you to know this is not your fault.”
She was grateful and thanked me. I represented her worst fear of being sued. I know this because my husband is a retired ER physician. It’s every doctor’s worst nightmare.
This was not my first rodeo with a poor outcome. This was not her fault.
Then, a few weeks later, I began to notice tiny movements in my left leg,
Wisdom Truth #1
You must decide if you want to stay stuck where you are or move forward. You must be willing and decide to put both feet in. You’ll be doing the hokey pokey in real-time.
These skills are what I’ve personally used to get through three major traumas.
I believe resilience is a muscle you build over time.
You build your resilience muscle each time you go through hardship.
Think back to a time when you were struggling. What did you think to yourself to help get you through it?
What did you say to yourself? Be your own encourager.
Did you have a mantra or sentence you said to motivate yourself?
Track what you did that helped you get through hard times.
Close your eyes and take several deep breaths, see yourself in that difficult situation, and now focus on the part of you that helped you move forward and make positive changes. Trust that voice because it’s most likely coming from the knowing place inside you - your true Self.
Can you find any good that you experienced during this worst time in your life?
You must become aware and conscious of what helps you feel strong and inspired.
Do you have a growth mindset?
Do you like to learn about yourself and are curious about the world?
You are not your thoughts.
You are the one who notices the thoughts – your higher Self.
I define resilience as the ability to manage your mind and use your emotional strength to courageously face a situation that has shaken your life.
I was in the hospital after a near-fatal car wreck in 2017.
I’d been through other traumatic experiences and not only survived but grew. I call myself the post-traumatic growth poster girl.
I trusted myself and my body to handle whatever happened as a result of the accident. I’d come through other hard things to make it through this.
People ask me how I became resilient after surviving traumas and a near-fatal car wreck seven years ago. I want to share some things with you to help you become resilient when adversity hits.
Acceptance of reality
One of the things I did immediately was to accept that I was in a wreck. I had pain and internal bleeding, but I wouldn’t ever be a victim. The accident would not define me.
Resilience means that you can harness your inner strength and bring it to a challenge in your life – such as a pandemic, an illness, job loss, or death/loss.
You must take charge of your mindset because fear will take the driver’s seat if you aren’t conscious.
If you lack resilience, you might stay stuck instead of taking action. You might experience negative thinking about things always “happening” to you.
Awareness without action is meaningless.
That means the doctor or physical therapist might tell you to do exercises, and you ignore the information and don’t do it. That’s not a mindset that someone with post-traumatic growth would have.
You want to become conscious of what this adverse event means to you.
You must take action—every small action you take to better yourself the next day will change your life.
I ask myself if this choice will serve love or fear.
I relied on the higher power, and in the case of the accident, I surrendered completely each time I was going to have abdominal surgery, which was six times in four months. There was nothing I could do. This opened me to the grace and miracles that come with surrender and acceptance.
What will you choose as your attitude? Will it be anger, frustration, or resentment, which is dense, low-vibe energy?
Will you choose courage and become more conscious and courageous?
Become a warrior, not a victim. You earned those scars.
Reframe your story – you get to choose how you go through any life experience. Don’t talk about the problem; talk about the outcome – what you can do, be, and have afterward. Positively visualize yourself healing or, like me – hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, which I did. Two years after the accident I hiked seven miles to Rosary Lakes in Oregon.
Foster your connections – build positive relationships with family and friends so that they support you in good and bad times when things are hard. If you find it hard to make friends, a great way to get involved with people is to volunteer or join a faith-based or spiritual community. You’ll be surprised at who steps in to help you.
How to build resilience in a health crisis appeared first on Sherold Barr.
Now over to you, have you experienced