Did you know that you might need to work with your subconscious mind if you’re struggling to ask for a raise or more money?
Martha struggled for six months with self-doubt and anxiety about asking her boss for a raise.
She’d worked at the law firm for 17 years. When she started, her kids were young so she went from two days to three days a week.
Her pay scale started at $53k for two days a week and then went up to $75k for three days of work a week.
When she wanted to move to full-time, she asked her boss for a $25k raise so that she would make $100k annually.
Now her goal was to ask for a $30k raise so that she’d make $130k a year.
Martha worked with me in three coaching sessions to sort through the thoughts and childhood beliefs that were keeping her stuck.
While money can bring up positive emotions, it can trigger the fight or flight response and bring up negative emotions including anxiety, worry, fear, anger, grief, shame and guilt.
What I’ve found in teaching classes for women on money in the last decade, is that once you identify the thoughts and beliefs around your money stress, you can clear them using emotional freedom technique (EFT).
If clients are stuck and the emotions run deep as in Mary’s case, I use a form of inquiry called The Work of Byron Katie.
This is what sets Smart Women Make Money apart from other money courses because this is the industrial method of working with a belief that’s in the subconscious mind. This is where I’ve seen the most transformation in my decade of teaching and coaching.
To move forward in your life – you need to clear what blocks your mind from making a change.
Our first step was to dig deep into uncomfortable places to find the belief and the story/situation that created the belief.
If your money mindset is negative, you’ll stay stuck where you are until you learn to clear the negative money beliefs out of your way.
Martha worked with me to identify her stressful thoughts:
- It’s not safe to ask Charles (her boss) for money.
- He will say no.
- Charles will say that the others in the office will be upset if they heard.
- I’m afraid to push him to give me more money.
I asked her how she felt physically and emotionally when she thought about asking Charles for a raise.
She said, “My body is folding in, my arms are crossed and cringing inward. I feel worried, and bad about myself – I don’t deserve to make that amount.”
I asked Martha to come up with evidence to show why she deserved a raise.
- Charles never had to give me health insurance so that saved him lot of money.
- I’ve worked there 17 years and had 2.5 weeks vacation time. Now I want to have four weeks.
Martha’s Negotiating Point:
- I want to get a commission on new clients because I want to grow the mediation practice, which would grow the law practice.
- I want 4 weeks of vacation.
I asked her to identify the negative associations she had with making more money.
- He’ll ask me to work longer hours and to work harder.
- I’ll feel pressured to work ‘harder.’
- On Tuesday and Thursdays, I leave at 5 pm. I feel guilty because I don’t come in early.
Martha’s guilt was about deserving to make $130k a year. So many women suffer from feeling like they don’t deserve to make money or to become wealthy. Martha’s guilt drove her to work evenings and weekends.
How to work with your subconscious mind
Your subconscious’ role is to keep you safe and alive. So if there’s an old money memory or experience that’s not something you want (working harder and longer hours), your subconscious will make sure it won’t happen.
Martha didn’t feel safe asking her boss for a raise so that’s why she couldn’t ask him until she found out the reason she was stuck and take steps to feel safe.
Ladies – this is how you self-sabatoge. You can’t will 3% of your conscious mind to stop eating, ask for a raise or write a book.
You have to work with your subconscious mind to work it out, which is exactly what Martha did.
So Martha and I talked through her biggest concern – working more hours each day and working harder for the raise.
I asked Martha to make a promise to her subconscious mind so that she wouldn’t work long hours.
Martha said, “I’m not going to have to work more hours each day.”
I asked her what else she would do to partner with her subconscious mind to work it out.
- Martha made a promise not to make it a habit to work on the weekends.
- She said that feeling pressured to work ‘harder’ would look and feel like an intense, stressful feeling throughout the day.
- She said she would start to notice her thoughts, emotions and actions and stop and breathe.
I suggested that Martha think of her subconscious mind as a little child that needs help and support.
How could she help herself not work all the time and feel stressed?
- She said she would get up 15 minutes earlier in the morning to meditate for 10 to 15 minutes each day.
- She could also leave the office and take a break.
Martha said she struggled with Imposter syndrome around deserving to make $130k.
We talked about things she could do to drive more business to the law firm so she was providing more value. She wanted to bring in more clients for mediation services and was willing to do lots of community speaking to create awareness of that service.
Once we’d done the inquiry and she found out her negative associations with making money, Martha would partner with her subconscious mind to stop working harder and putting in more hours on the weekend.
The good news — Martha received her raise and 4 weeks of vacation when she asked Charles for a raise.
She was overjoyed and so happy to learn how to stop working harder and to stop coming in on the weekends to work.
So why is it so difficult to get what you want?
Because your subconscious mind is running the show. This is why if you aren’t seeing positive change with what you desire financially, it could be a belief in your subconscious mind that’s at odds with your financial desire.
Ninety-five percent of your decisions, actions, motivation, mood, and results are driven by your subconscious mind.
Your subconscious mind is much more powerful than your conscious mind and that’s why we want to work with it.
Have you struggled with self-doubt around asking for more money? Did this story resonate with you? Please let me know in the comments below.