I have a special relationship with fear that goes back to my childhood.
I was the little girl who climbed all the way up to the high dive and took one look down at the pool and then slowly made my way back to the ladder and asked everyone behind me to go back down.
I was a fearful person for most of my life until I started my inner journey of personal growth.
When I made a difficult decision to end my first marriage, I heard my higher self say to me – save yourself and do whatever it takes to free yourself from fear. That “inner knowing” I acted upon became a life lesson.
My husband and I were to move to a different state. We’d sold our house, my car and I’d resigned my job. I packed up things to move.
So there I was with a three- and a half-year-old son with no house, no job and no car.
What happened next was a miracle. My friends rented me one of their homes and fixed it up for me. Another friend happened to have an extra car and loaned it to me, and my former employer hired me back!
The Universe completely surrounded me with love and support.
Then friends started calling and asking me to come to dinner at their homes. Why? I took a leap of faith and saved myself. I listened to my higher self and the Universe came to my rescue.
So I want to share with you, what I know for sure about fear. I help women just like you, get unstuck from fear that holds you back from living your true calling – your destiny.
When you hear the call of your higher self and act on it – that’s when you’re guided to the path of true destiny.
Imagine being able to listen to your own inner guidance and take risks! What would your life look like without fear running it?
Working with fear is something that I know intimately. What I know for sure is this: each time you conquer a fear, your self-confidence blossoms.
The more you can expand your comfort zone, the more you can continue to move out the constraints fear puts on your life. I gained more self-confidence as a single mom during those years because of all the first-time experiences I gained moving through my fears.
Here’s five things you can do today to start building inner trust and confidence and step away from fear:
- Learn to trust your intuition (higher self) – go with what your gut tells you. Experiment with listening to it and following its guidance. Notice how often your life is richer for believing in yourself and trusting your gut.
- Expand Your Comfort Zone – do one thing that you’re afraid to do each week or even each month. Take a small risk and experience the thrill of doing it. Pick something you’ve always wanted to do but were afraid to try. Get your friends on board to support you and make it a fun event. Then celebrate with a reward that feels good.
- Notice the feeling of the fear in your body and use it as your rocket fuel to move forward – ask the fear – are you here to help me play a bigger game or hinder me?
Notice how your body feels. If you have some adrenaline in your body, notice if it’s the thrilling kind of adrenaline and see if you have more energy than that drained feeling. Your body is wise and talks to you all the time through your emotions. - Ask yourself this question – if I wasn’t able to be afraid right now, would I want to do this? Then pretend you aren’t afraid and do it.
- True happiness – I’ve learned so much from working with my fears. This is how you build self-confidence and lasting happiness. Just knowing you can be scared and learn to lean into your fears is so rewarding.
Great article. I been in that very same spot many times this year. My higher self telling me “you deserve better”. I am currently in my first 6 months of having a business and the pull to “hide behind” someone else and be their lieutenant (i.e., go back to being fully employed and not lead my own life) has been strong at times. At the beginning of November, I listened to “higher self” and stopped paying attention to that pull.
The universe has shown me support and love. I am not where I want to be, but when I think about what is coming my way, my heart races and my body trembles. Everyday, I move further away from my comfort zone. One step at a time. I have never been happier.
Hi Brenda – thanks so much for reading this and for your comment. Listen to your own wisdom. When you follow your heart, body and soul – you are on your path and I totally believe the Universe has your back. I am so happy that you are moving out
the edges of your comfort zone. That is how I’ve done it and continue to do it. Then you can tell how far you’ve come. Check out my free coaching call once a month and stop in. I will laser coach a few people each month and the group learns from each other.
Also consider joining Women Heal The World, my social forum that’s free. We often do free calls and have a great speaker monthly. xoxo
Great article! Its always good to get reminded about these things. I think its time for me to re-read Susan Jeffers’s landmark book, “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway®” That book has helped me with overcoming my fears and anxiety attacks. When you talk about the “comfort zone” in point #2, I realized that I’ve gotten caught up in feeling safe again. Time to move forward I think.
Hi Karrie – thank you for reading this post. Pema Chodrin has a good book on fear called The Places That Scare You. I will write more about fear in more blog posts. We are face it. It’s good to just notice what is scaring you and breathe. Detach from the emotions or don’t attach if you can notice it first. I appreciate your comments;)
Just found your website today and I am loving the content. This article in particular spoke to me. If I may, I do have a couple of questions that perhaps you can answer. In your writing I’ve noticed that you tend to rely heavily on intuition. How do you differentiate an intuitive impulse from fear? I’m in the middle of a new product launch and have been completely stymied for the last three weeks. Of course I’ve spent that time beating myself up for being fearful, not getting things accomplished etc. But this morning, after meditating I realized that my product name was a poor choice and that a different name would make it appeal to a greater number of people. Thank goodness I had been stymied before I had logo’s completed and product labels printed. Coming to this realization just saved me thousands. So how do you tell the difference between intuition and fearful/lack/attack thinking? What are the cues that help you to be sure? Thank you so much!
Hi there – I went to your web site and love that you are an animal lover like I am. That is a tribe in itself! I have learned to hear the whisper. If it feels like freedom and excitement – I do it. If it feels like a should or I find my body feels drained of energy then it’s hell no. Here’s another way to think about it. If it feels like shackles around your ankles – don’t do it. If it feels like freedom – go for it. You intuitively knew that it was not the right choice because you had negative emotions wrapped up with it – fearful, procrastination etc. Any thought that causes you to suffer (anxiety, fear, anger, frustration etc) is not your truth. I use The Work of Byron Katie to question stressful thoughts. I am thinking about making a 4-week course on video to help people with thoughts and how to learn to trust your intuition. Your message confirms that it would be helpful. Let me know if this helps. I am also offering a class tomorrow at two times called Taming Your Inner Critic. Check it out on my teleclass page. Thanks for connecting with me. My email is sherold@sheroldbarr.com if you want to contact me. Happy Holidays!