The day I realized that I had put myself in prison was devastating to me. I felt such incredible sadness for what I had done to myself. I cried harder than I can ever remember crying.

Three years ago, as part of my training in The Institute of The Work of Byron Katie, I took Katie’s “No Body Intensive.”  This is a five-day, guided exploration of our belief systems, which brings to awareness all aspects of identity: how we create it; what it feels like to us; and how we can un-create it.

It is an unwrapping of your true nature, or who you really are without your “story.” It was during this five-day intensive I asked one of Katie’s long-time facilitators to work with me on thoughts and beliefs around my younger brother Byron’s murder. The session, and the results of the session were nothing short of mind-blowing.

I learned that I was “murdering Byron over and over again” each time I saw images in my mind of Byron’s blood in the trunk of his car or imagined how he might have died.  I had been recreating the possibilities in my mind. His car had been found across the state line with his blood in the trunk, yet his body was missing for three years before it was found.  These horrifying mind-movies that I played over and over had caused me immense anxiety and trauma.

What I have learned is my body is innocent. It simply does not know if I am experiencing this trauma the first time or the hundredth time.

So I suffered afresh each and every time. I also realized that as long as I continued to work with the Investigator of Violent Crimes and the police department to keep Byron’s cold case alive and to solve it, I was imprisoning myself.

I got free that day. I realized I was the cause of my suffering. It was not caused by the actual circumstance of my brother’s murder.  It was how I thought about the circumstances that caused my suffering.

Grief and prolonged suffering are two different things. When I realized I, alone, was creating my continued suffering over my brother’s death, that very day was the day I found compassion for myself and for the journey of my whole life.

You hold the keys to your own happiness; it is your responsibility.  Please get this into your head right now. It matters not what age you are now, this fact holds true for your entire life. You can’t make anyone else happy and no one can make you happy. Happiness comes from within you, not from any outside possession or person.

If you live your life waiting for the perfect partner, your weight to be what it was back in high school, or for a job that pays you more than you make now, forget it. You may never find happiness if it’s dependent on external sources. We tend to believe that situations, people or things cause our unhappiness. We suffer because these are all external to us, and we have no control.

We often confuse who we are with the trappings of the external world:  jobs; how we look physically; comparing our accomplishments to those of others; how much money we make or have; what cars we drive; and where we live. True happiness is hard to find in our society if we continue to focus on acquiring more, more and more. All of this constitutes a huge black hole – there is never enough to feed the hungry ghost of the ego.

Sure, each one of us has a version of our own “hell and back” story in our life. No one escapes life’s tragedies and heartaches. But we can choose not to live our lives with stories that cause our suffering. What I do know for sure is this: It is how we use these experiences that is key.

Stop and Question Your Negative Thoughts

You get to choose at any moment to take your life experience – the adversity you’ve faced — and use it to become stronger. Or not. If you believe your thoughts without questioning them for the truth, you are at their mercy. If you want to get free, you must question those thoughts that cause you emotional pain.

There is a huge up-side to even the most challenging and painful life experiences we live. They break us open to whom we are supposed to be. I would not be doing what I do today had my brother not been killed. My life and career paths were headed in a different direction.

Stopping to question our negative thoughts, and thereby stopping them in their tracks, will lead you to your inner self. Each of us was born with our own true nature of joy and love. Love is at our core, as well as truth and peace.

So, you ask, do I manage to achieve this questioning all the time? Truth be told, no, but this is my intent; this is the place I want to live from. I intend to live from love and compassion, for others and myself. I am doing the best I can in each moment and when I realize I am off course, am too caught up in my mind traps and stories, I question them to find my truth.

Neurons That Fire Together Wire Together

Our brains are wired to remember the negative things in life. This served a purpose in our evolution, when fear helped keep our ancestors alive. Scientific research has named this the negativity bias; the brain preferentially scans for threats and negative information, stores that information and retrieves it preferentially.

But today, our vulnerability to fear has crippling effects, if not managed appropriately. Sure, we need to look both ways before we cross the road, and a healthy respect, even fear, can assist in that habit. But the level of fear we carry daily can paralyze us into the inability to reach our true, peaceful nature.

Why is it easier to remember negative experiences than positive ones? Positive experiences that are rewarding get embedded in our brains into our “implicit memory.” This refers to memories of previous experiences we call on unconsciously to assist in the performance of a task, such as riding a bike, or tying your shoes. You remember how to do it, with no memory of learning how to do it.

Negative experiences are handled differently. Our brain helps us to survive and pass on our genes, by holding on to negative experiences in order to keep us safe – they remind us of danger. We humans overestimate threats in the world, and we pay a lot of attention to perceived threats and the way we believe we are mistreated by others. Our brain catalogs and stores resentments, disappointments, fears and any negative issue we’ve experienced with someone.

We also focus on our own mistakes, perceived flaws, shameful experiences, feelings of guilt, and inadequacies. Our inner critic or inner judge (the voice in the head) is often on overdrive. Our bodies react more intensely to these negative experiences than to positive experiences.

How to Become Happier and More Joyful

So how do we focus on the good in our lives? My friend Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Love, Happiness and Wisdom, believes we must compensate for how quickly we remember the negative things in life, by focusing on the good that is around us.

By increasing the intensity, the duration and the felt sense of happiness in your body each time you are in a positive experience, you are essentially creating new neural circuits to build in your brain. Neuroscientists at leading institutions like Harvard Medical School, The University of California Los Angeles, The University of Toronto, and The University of California San Diego, are researching in a new area called “neuroplasticity.” They are showing that the brain, through self-directed focus, can actually change its neural patterns as a result of the thoughts we think – we can even dial up the “happiness set point!” By the practice of focused thought and feeling, it is possible to “rewire” ourselves to experience our world any way we choose. In other words – you are using your mind to change your brain.

Focusing on the Good

True happiness is found in states of being, in simple things.  Let’s start by having you focus on the things you are grateful for in your life.

1. A good daily practice is to start the day with a gratitude list.For example, “I am happy the sun is out today, and I can hear the birds.” Pick one thing on your list to focus on. Think about how grateful you are about this thing.
2. Next Feel the feeling of happiness. Breathe deeply and dwell on this feeling for at least 30 seconds. Notice how this shifts the feelings of your body.
3. Bring the feelings into your body — this is your felt sense — and let it flow into your heart and heal the wounds and then flow out your body like honey.
4. If you notice you drift into thinking other thoughts, gently return to the grateful thought, which will bring back the sense of happiness.
5. Make an effort to share your happiness with others. Smile more often. Savor it.
6. Before you go to sleep at night, think about three things for which you are grateful, then bring in the feelings to your body. Stay with them as long as possible.

This will build new pathways in your brain and if you do this on a consistent basis, you will feel happier and more at peace. You will find you are more open and available to other people in your life. And you will build a new reality of peace and joy for you and all around you.

I don’t normally promote someone else’s work on my blog, but there are two women whom I truly admire, so I couldn’t help but share with you what they’re doing.

The best decision I made in my business was to work with Marie Forleo, the founder of Rich, Happy & Hot B School.

Marie Forleo is the master of online marketing, business and lifestyle advice for women. She has taught me how to rock my business online, plus I’ve been a part of the most amazing online community of smart, supportive, women business owners.

Each of us have a passion or a dream we want to pursue.  Many of us fear that one day we’ll wake up in midlife and feel that our life has no meaning!  Learning how to market your idea, your dream or your passion is key to your online success.

Those of us who get online marketing are entrepreneurs who can make money when we sleep.  Even if you have a brick and mortar business, you STILL need to learn online marketing.

Marie is offering a free training video to share her brilliance. In Marie’s video you’ll learn:

• Why women, in particular, are wired to succeed in the digital era.

• The shocking changes that’ll take place online in the next few years (if you have an online presence, you need to know this!).

• Marie’s step-by-step 6 Pillar roadmap to online success – PDF worksheet included.

Click here to learn more and you will get instant access to Marie’s free videos and worksheets.

The other brilliant woman I want to tell you about is KC Baker.

KC Baker is on a mission to help women stand in their own power and use their voice to change the world.

KC Baker presented a class with Women Heal the World on “Rocking the Stage with Confidence, Clarity & Grace.” Here’s a download of the recording in case you missed it!

KC is offering a free training series on the secrets of how to transform the fear of public speaking into power, and learn to write and deliver the talk you were born to give.

It’s a fabulous opportunity to learn how to use your voice to make a bigger impact. Check it out here.

P.S.  You all know how much I love traveling and owning a location independent business, and the decision to join Marie Forleo’s online marketing program was the best decision I ever made.

Have you entertained working in a new or different location?  We’d love to hear from you. 

It all sounds fake, like a bunch of BS. But it’s the truth.

I’ve just returned from nearly two months in southwest France where I stayed in a lovely stone home with pale blue shutters, surrounded by vineyards and oak trees. I spent my days doing whatever I pleased, with only the intention to write dancing in the back of my mind. I drank tea and read books. I napped in the sunshine on the terrace.

I can’t fathom what might be next and my socks are still blown off with how it all came to be.

You see, a few months ago I was sitting up in bed, pissed off at my journal, jabbing my black Pilot pen into its empty white pages. It was 1 a.m. The tears dribbled down my chin and a snot bubble was developing nicely. I was asking the Universe, no, scratch that, I was begging the Universe to answer me, What should I do with my life?

Sure, this is a rather complex question to pose in the middle of the night, but it’s what my ego was asking. In that moment I was deeply committed to believing my entire life sucks no matter what. It was messy. Soggy Kleenex quickly piled up.

Eventually exhaustion took over. I reasoned with the Universe, “Okay, I’m not making any decisions tonight, and not tomorrow either. I’ll just follow what comes up. So, show me what’s next, for cryin’ out loud.” Then I conked out.

The next morning I checked my messages. A girlfriend (who had been off the radar for months) emailed saying, “I’m house-sitting in France. Come visit!” She attached horrifyingly lovely photos of the stone house and its 16-acre property.

Holy crap.

If that wasn’t a clear ‘next step’ sign from the Universe, I didn’t know what was. The thing is, I have had a seven-year love affair with France and was scratching my head on how to manifest a trial run at living there. Her email was like 50-foot tall blazing neon sign saying DO THIS, YOU BONEHEAD.

The truth is I didn’t ‘decide’ to go to France as much as I chose to be ‘in flow’ with what the Universe showed me. And even though I’m pretty sure I have free will, I felt like I HAD to go.

Logistics meant Hubby had to stay home and hold the fort (ie: make money) and I had to scrounge up long forgotten British Airways miles to get there. But I got there.

My long-term marketing & research contract client understood how awesome this invitation was and I promised his monthly newsletters would still happen from abroad. For all the other loose ends I prepared information packages with checklists and handed them off to a competent and ridiculously organized colleague. Successful entrepreneurs say their secret is to hire the best people. Now I believe them.

I also believe a few other truths that surfaced during my French adventure, comme ça (like this):

Mundane tasks are healing. We had to gather firewood, by hand. It was unseasonably cold and the petite radiators couldn’t keep up. We needed fire. While it’s tempting to think this was an inconvenience, do not be fooled. Yes I got slivers, but it was insanely meditative. I reconnected to the earth. I grounded my energy for the first time since for-friggin’-ever.

An Internet connection is a life line (if you don’t choke yourself with it). Through the wonders of Wi-Fi, apps and iPhones I was able to talk with (and see!) my Hubby, for free, every night. And I could work remotely. Client eNewsletters and research? No problem. Happily though, my electronic devices mostly remained tucked away.

Rubber boots change everything. {Back-story: I grew up on a farm. I had good times in rubber boots.} Since I was staying in the country, I invested in a pair of Hunter gumboots. I wasn’t afraid of getting wet socks. I played. I explored. I walked wherever I pleased. I jumped French ditches and trotted across mucky fields in those boots. I was alive and free. I say, get some.

When the writing comes, it comes. The one intention I set for myself (I don’t do well with the word ‘goals’) was that I would write. However, my inner writer refused to show up for weeks, despite the little voice in my head trying to coax her out. Which reminds me of this awesome quote:

“To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.” ― Lili St. Crow

My only choice was to show up and be patient. And get quiet.

Wordlessness is hard. And it’s easy. The little voice pressured me… “I should be writing.”  But I couldn’t. In those first weeks I was feeling, breathing and noticing every tiny detail. I was clearing away old patterns, shedding self-imposed limits and opening to possibility.  I was so insanely PRESENT I could not possibly write.

I discovered what I was doing is a real thing(!), and smart people even talk about it. It’s called Wordlessness — the 11,000,000 bits per second part of the brain (instead of the verbal 40 bits per second) — as Martha Beck says in her book, ‘Finding Your Way in a Wild New World‘.

Then one day, after I had observed the hell out of everything, the writing came. It was a quick burst, and then I was back to resting and presence.  Later, another burst, longer and interwoven with brilliant in-the-moment symbolisms and what I can only call signs from the Universe about being ‘on track.’

Through this process I was struck by the fact that my writing voice had changed. Of course, as a writer this is something one develops over time. We craft it, mould it and come to know ourselves better through that voice. Yet, she had changed. A deep shift had indeed rattled down to the depths of my Being. Which bring us to my last (ancient) truth…

You’re not the same You coming home. It’s an age-old saying that traveling changes us forever. It’s impossible for this not to be true. At the very least I’m a much improved fire starter and ditch jumper. I’ve embraced my (once suppressed) romantic world outlook and am even considering the idea that I don’t need some big master plan for my life.

I’m toying with the notion that if one acknowledges what they love and takes steps toward it, if one asks the Universe for guidance, if one gets quiet enough to hear the whispering of their soul, then life just might unfold rather beautifully.

But who am I to say? I think tonight I’ll ask the Universe again to show me what’s next (but without the snot bubbles this time).

What is the Difference Between Juicing and Blending?
Great question! And, as the “Green Juice Coach”, one I hear quite often!

So there are two different appliances you can use to prepare your green drinks – one is a juicer, and the other is a blender.

A juicer extracts liquid nutrition from vegetables and fruits, leaving the pulp behind. Juicers like the Breville (see link on SHOP page), Champion, or Green Star totally rock green juices!

A blender purees vegetables and fruits into a drink that retains all the fiber of the produce. High speed blenders like the VitaMix totally rock green smoothies!

Which is better? They are both great, but here are some benefits of each:

Some benefits of juicing:
- Large consumption of vegetables.
- Fast nutrient consumption.
- Easy digestion.
- Curbs appetite.
- Great recipes!

Some benefits of blending:
- Great source of fiber.
- Regulated sugar absorption.
- Filling and satisfying.
- Easy to add extras supplements such as spirulina, wheatgrass or protein powders.
- Yummy recipes!

So Which is Better, Juicing or Blending?
It’s really your personal preference.  Both options provide a fabulous end result of getting raw produce to nourish your body in one beautiful glass! The important thing is to START DRINKING GREEN DRINKS – be it a green juice or a green smoothie!

And, of course, you don’t have to pick just one or the other – you can always do both by alternating them! I personally juice more than I blend, but definitely do enjoy both methods, and am glad I have a choice! Just remember the 3:1 ratio of veggies to fruit to minimize your sugar intake. We want to glow, not take in a bunch of sugar (note: this is a discussion for another day!).
Here is a green juice recipe to get you started today!

“The Simple” Green Juice by Tina Pruitt

Ingredients
2 medium cucumbers
4-6 kale leaves
6 stalks of celery
1 garlic clove
1-1.5 inch of fresh ginger
Optional: Pinch of cayenne pepper
Optional: Sunflower (or other) sprouts

Preparation: Juice all ingredients in juicer. ENJOY!

Notes: If using a centrifugal juicer, wrap the garlic in 2 kale leaves to juice. Ditto for the ginger. If you have a masticating juicer, consider adding a couple handfuls of sunflower or pea green sprouts!

Taming Your Inner Critic

Frannie is frantically searching for the lost phone number to dial into the conference call.  At the same time, she is thinking how much work she has to do today and knows that it is more than she can possibly do.  She is stressed out sifting through the piles on her desk for the phone number.  She calls in late by five minutes.  She beats herself up for not clearing her desk the night before.

Frantic Frannie is my inner critic. She is the voice in my head that beats me up and chains me to my desk for long periods of time.  She is my inner dictator.

Self-realization happens when you can hear and distinguish your inner voices and not act on them. This is the first and most important step in your growth.

Realize that you can’t suppress your inner critic because if you do, you will amplify it. What you resist persists and gets bigger. You want to develop a balanced relationship with your inner critic.

In the places where your voice has been censored, it’s important to find out why and to understand why your voice became imprisoned. It’s a process of recovering parts of yourself that have been censored or hidden in your life. It’s important to name what you are afraid of so you can identify where your voice has been shut down.
The Imposter Syndrome
In Science magazine, an article titled, “No, You’re Not an Imposter,” which outlines that many people are afraid others will find out that they are a fake or fraud and that it’s a fluke they made it into graduate school or got their current job.  Even though you may get excellent performance reviews at work, you still feel like you may get discovered for being incompetent. This syndrome is real and common. Some of the side effects are anxiety, feeling ashamed and unworthy.

When you feel anxious and have the need to work harder or please people, stop and ask your inner critic: Where do you come from? This is a valuable psychological technique that will help you think objectively. Once you figure out where this voice came from (not all inner critics come from childhood), you can tell if it’s telling you the truth or if you can disregard it.

Get to Know Your Inner Critic
Now I want you to take a trip back down memory lane to see where your critic came from. Not all inner critics come from childhood. They can come from many parts of our lives including our friends, peers, news media, teachers, religious leaders, and our own attitudes about winning and losing influence us. What’s important is that once you understand where this voice comes from, you can learn to recognize when it is telling the truth and when to disregard what it says.

How It Tries To Help You
Your inner critic has evolved to keep you from being hurt and rejected. It reminds you that being capable, having knowledge and skills are important. You want to be open to it but do not believe everything it says. Ask it, “How will you help me be successful with this task?”

Act in spite of the inner critic.  When you determine that your critic is not going to help you in that situation, take action. You’ve heard me talk about The Work of Byron Katie and the power of turning around the stressful or painful thought that is causing you emotional pain. You want to take action or live out a turnaround to grow.

Clue #1: If what is says to you drains your energy or lowers your confidence, ask it to go do something else and keep focused on the task at hand. Keep going and take action – this is your growth plan.
You inner critic is just one part of you and not the whole YOU. You want to remember that you are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts – your higher Self or your soul.

Managing your thoughts is key to creating the life and work that bring you happiness.

Now when I notice Frantic Frannie is overwhelmed and stressed, I call in Clarity Clara to take over.  She decides that I might need a walk with the dogs or that it’s a great day to go to Yoga class and make more green juice.  She is my antidote for Frantic Frannie.

Uncovering The Critical People in Your Life
A critic could be someone in your family, a peer from middle or high school, a teacher, a religious person, or a friend.  Start by identifying who criticized you.

Your School Years

1. Who is on your list as a critic in your life during your school years?

2. What happened?

3. What did he or she say to you?

4. What do you feel emotionally and how do you react when these words come flooding back to you?

A Recent Critic

1. Who recently criticized you?

2. What happened?

3. What did he or she say to you?

4. What do you feel emotionally and how do you react when these words come flooding back to you?

Someone Who May Have Meant Well But Hurt You Anyway

1. Who recently criticized you?

2. What happened?

3. What did he or she say to you?

4. What do you feel emotionally and how do you react when these words come flooding back to you?

Check out my upcoming class next week – Taming Your Inner Critic.  Tuesday, March 20 from 5 to 6:30 pm PT.

You will learn how to tame your inner critic and the bonus is that your life will be much more peaceful.

Go to The Edge of What Scares You – That’s Your Gold

“Rule of thumb: the more important the call or action is to our own soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.” Steven Pressfield

My heart was pounding, my mouth and throat were dry and adrenaline was pumping throughout my body.  We were saying goodbye to a couple we had just met as we backpacked in the desert.  Although we were heading into the Grand Escalante Staircase to backpack in Coyote Gulch for five days into slot canyons and sacred Anasazi ground, my friend had just given that couple all of our water.  They were in a panic when we met them on the trail because they didn’t bring enough water on their day hike.  Now we had no water.

As it grew dark, we quickly put up our tent and set out walking in Coyote Gulch to find water.  I was terrified.  Not only was this unfamiliar to me, I was concerned my friend wouldn’t know where we were going and we’d get lost.

As we hiked I spent a lot of time talking to God, and getting more and more frightened and stressed.

That night ended well — the good news was that my friend had been in this canyon and knew exactly where to find water.  Later that evening, I got down on my knees in the tent after a dinner of pasta with clam sauce and white wine, and I told God I would serve if I could weather this fear.

My daily mantra became “I am brave.” For the five days of our hike I repeated that thought over and over in my mind.

It took a great deal of courage for me to attempt this trip, because it was out of my comfort zone.  And yet it’s fascinating that this trip comes to mind when I recall my favorite adventures in life.  I deeply lived that night, and we had a big adventure.  But best of all I learned the meaning of getting quiet inside.

What I learned was this:  it’s the places that scare us the most that become the most memorable experiences in life.

These places become markers of courage and by stepping into the fear and walking through the fire, we gain self-confidence and self-trust.

Go straight into what scares you – that’s your gold.

YOUR INNER LIZARD

The reptilian brain is our limbic system or as Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight states, “the emotional brain.”  Its purpose is to broadcast survival fears, which keep all mammals alive in the wild.  However, once our basic survival needs are taken cared for, our inner lizard continues to pump out “lack and attack” fears.  When we experience feelings of sadness, joy, anger, frustration, or excitement, these emotions are generated by our limbic system.

On the one hand, our reptilian brains are convinced that we lack everything we need: We don’t have enough love, time, money, or [fill in the blank].

On the other hand, something terrible is about to happen. You’ve heard the phrase “the other shoe is about to drop,” or “this can’t last” or “now that I have this good thing, something bad will happen.”

Our reptilian brain served us well when we lived in caves and were hunters and gatherers.  But when we wake up at night worrying about the job market, the economy, the Axis of Evil or Code Orange, this doesn’t serve us.

The solution? Become the watcher of your thoughts and notice those that smack of lack and attack. The reptilian brain is hardwired around our brain stem, broadcasting fear impulses, but when you are in charge of your mind, you know that you don’t have to listen it.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS

Get to know the voice of fear in your head. This voice makes us feel anxious and fearful, which blocks our creativity and problem-solving abilities. But, the truth is, you can separate yourself from this lizard voice.  Ask it, “Are you here to help me or hold me back?” This is the voice that is trying to help you avoid shame, risk, and rejection.  Welcome it in for tea.  Don’t try to push it away – what you resist, persists.  But don’t act on it.

When you become the observer of your fearful voice, you lessen its power to unconsciously drive your behavior.

It takes 90 seconds for us to think a thought and send the physiological effects throughout our body. Where the mind goes, the body follows.

Do you REALLY want to think that thought again?

WAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

You have the choice to become conscious, and wake up and notice what you are thinking.

When you notice you are feeling fear, stop and observe the thought and just let it be. You can’t stop a thought; just notice and breathe and let it pass. Then shift to a better feeling thought.

The more you fear doing a particular job, such as starting your own business or writing your next book, the more you can be sure that this is your soul’s calling. I like to think of this as a tug-of-war between the ego and the soul.  To paraphrase Carl Jung, every death of the ego is a victory for your soul.

So, this is your stretch goal. This is how self-confidence is built. The more fear stops you or keeps you stuck – the more you need to do it. Ask yourself, “When I am 80, will I regret that I did NOT do this? The more impossible you fear it will be to do [fill in the blank with something you really want to do], the more important it is for your soul’s evolution that you do it. Your soul is calling you to move towards that thing that you dream about.

Commit to doing what you love even though it scares the hell out of you.

Fear stops us from living up to our full potential and living a big life. When we live in fear, we are living a small life, hiding out, and we don’t take risks.

How to manage your fears:

1. Notice your fear. This is the first step. Acknowledge the fear. We all have fears – we are wired for it. When you feel anxiety or the rush of adrenaline, just stop, notice and breathe. Whether it’s imagined or real, the first step in overcoming fear is to admit that it exists.

2. When you feel fear, ask yourself, is this fear real or am I imagining it? Am I watching a mind-movie in the future? What am I thinking about?  Don’t try to push it away. As you just notice your fearful voice, you will lessen its power to unconsciously drive your behavior.
3. Expand your comfort zone. As we grow up, we absorb some of the fears of those around us. We form a mental zone that we call our comfort zone. This is our safe zone where we feel secure to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Start small and as you gain more confidence, you will expand your comfort zone.  Go to the edge of any dream that scares you – that’s where you are being called for your soul’s evolution.

Here’s what I suggest:

If you are excited and you feel fear, do it.

If you would love to do it but feel afraid, do it.

If you want to take to safe route, take the uncertain route.

This is how you grow, gain confidence and add a notch in your experience belt. Notice every time you make a choice to do something – especially something meaningful – are you choosing a safe choice?

4. Fear grows when you resist it. We tend to ignore things we are afraid of or resist anything that feels uncomfortable. Let’s say that money is an issue for you and you don’t want to look at your bills so you put them in a drawer without opening them. Or you are afraid to look at your bank balance? Ignoring money or bills won’t make them go away; in fact it can become a bigger problem in your mind.
5. Analyze it and ask yourself these questions: Where does your fear come from? Is it real or imagined? What’s the worst thing that can happen? Can I deal with it or overcome it? Most of the time, the worst scenario is not as bad as we feared. In fact, talking it through with a friend lessens the affect of fear.
6. Face it. Allow yourself to feel fear in your body. Act in spite of your fear and treat is as a challenge to grow and become stronger.
7. Be persistent. Do the thing you fear over and over again. By doing it repeatedly it loses its power over you and you become less vulnerable to it. You actually desensitize the fear this way.
8. Develop courage. This is how I have become more courageous in my life: I have noticed what helps me to feel courageous, and that is to take risks. I ask myself, what will I lose by doing this? In order to conquer a particular fear, you want to cultivate courage. When you become courageous, you develop self-trust and build self-confidence. This is the healthy way to approach fear.

The psychological condition of fear is separated from real immediate danger. The images in our minds about the future tend to create the emotions of unease, worry, anxiety, tension, stress or phobias. Coping with the present moment is much easier than coping with an uncertain future. The mind wants to deny the present moment or the “Now” and to escape from it. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in the future. The more you are able to step into the present and accept the Now, the less you will suffer. Realize the present moment is all you ever have.

What I know for sure is this: When I conquered the fears of the experiences I feared the most, I felt the most alive… and these are the experiences that are my favorite ones to remember.

My backpacking adventure in the Escalante Canyon’s will rank up there with other peak experiences I’ve had. Taking the risk of hiking into the canyons helped me turn my fear into a quest for courage.

On our last day in the canyon, I jumped for joy inside when we met a couple that where heading out of the canyon. They offered to give us a ride back to our car. They were taking a short cut out and it entailed climbing up a steep rock outcropping wearing our backpacks.  I was so excited to finish this trip and inside so proud of myself, that I scrambled up the sloping rock wall wearing my backpack without fear.  The wife however was extremely afraid to go up.  So I climbed back down and put on her pack, and guided her back up.  That day – I had no fear – only exhilaration. When we reached out car, my friend had two cold beers on ice.  Beer never tasted this good – ever!  This trip will be with me the rest of my life.

“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.”   Dalai Lama

To Live Your Best Life

This is the first in a series of blog posts on fear.  I will talk about how to face your worst fears, how to question your thoughts and fears, and show you how to use fear to find your true calling in life and work.

My son was recently diagnosed with a rare genetic disease.  He has some major hurdles to face with this disease.

As mothers, our worst fears and concerns often center around our children.  I watched my own mother lose her youngest son, my younger brother, by murder almost seven years ago.  As a mother, I witnessed my mother going through the unimaginable.  I can still hear her words, “I can’t believe I won’t ever see Byron on this earth again.”  Watching her go through the unimaginable was heartbreaking.

Now she is watching me go through this health issue with my own son,  and she is concerned for me and her only grandson.

In each of our lives, we have a “worst” fear that we may or may not have to face.  However, if we don’t acknowledge and face that fear, it will most likely drive our behavior, and we will suffer more than grieve.

Some of us don’t ever want to face our fears so we bury them deep inside or push them away. 

But guess what?  What you resist persists and it can get even bigger and scarier this way.  Just like our thoughts, fears can subconsciously drive our behaviors, which create the life we have today.

I found that practicing a form of inquiry called The Work of Byron Katie, helps me stop suffering.  Your task is to become conscious of your thoughts and the stories you tell.  Are they stories you want to live out?  If not, create a new and more empowering story.

Here’s what I am doing right now to help me stay present and take care of myself so I am present to help my son.

Name your fear:  In ancient cultures, the tribe would name the good and feared deities.

What is your worst fear?  Write it down.  Examples:  I will lose my job.  I will run out of money.  She will leave me.  He will die.  I will end up on the streets.

This form of inquiry is called The Work, which was created by Byron Katie.

Question it:  Go into the situation where you believe it’s true and answer from that place.

Q. Is it true?  Answer as a yes or no depending on if you believed it was true or not.

Q.  Can you absolutely know it’s true? Yes or no

Q.  How do you react when you believe that thought?  Write down the emotions you feel and where you feel them in your body when you BELIEVE your worst fear.  The important piece here is to notice how your body and mind react when you believe this thought.  See how this thought causes suffering, and feel it and name it.

Q.  Who would you be without this thought?  If you couldn’t believe this thought (I touched you with my light saber and the thought disappeared), who would you be and what would you be doing without this thought?  See yourself doing your life without this thought in your mind.

Turn the thought around.  You want to look at this fear/thought from different perspectives.  The mind seeks evidence for anything it believes.  Your mind has been focused on that fear or a related stressful thought.  Just like a horse wearing blinders, your mind is not seeing anything but what it believes to be true.  What we are doing with The Work is looking at your worst fear from different angles to open your mind to find your real truth.  This is how you get free and find some peace.

Original thought:  I will lose my job.

Turn it to the opposite:  I will not lose my job.

Give three genuine specific examples of how the opposite could be as true or truer than the original thought.  The key is to be as specific as possible because your mind will not believe generalities.

1)   In reality, today I have that job.  So I can be present (not in a future story) because today I have my job.

2) My thoughts tell me I will lose my job.  I don’t have to listen to my thoughts and be afraid.

3)  Being good at my work is my job, and I can’t lose the knowledge of my work.

Turn it to yourself.  Put you in place of the “other” – the job.

I will lose me.

How could it be as true or truer that you will lose you if you continue to believe you will lose your job?

1)  I will lose me if I live in fear of losing my job.  I can choose to stay present.

2)   I will lose me if I allow myself to suffer and stay in the story of potentially losing my job.

3)   I will lose me if I don’t eat well, exercise and take care of myself.

Now turn it around to the “other” – in this case it’s the job.

My job will lose me.

1)   If I don’t stay focused on my work while I am at work, my job will lose me.

2)   My job is to take care of myself so that I don’t lose myself.

3)  When I’m not present, the best of me doesn’t show up to do my job.

We all get to decide what “story” we want to live by.  Today I am choosing to live an empowering story that I have been in training for the past six years for this time in my life, which is facing my worst fear.  Six years ago, when my younger brother was killed, I sought to go inside and do deep personal work.

I’m thrilled to introduce you to my friend Tina Pruitt, The Healthy Lifestylist, and a three-time cancer survivor and living foods advocate. Tina will be a guest blogger here once a month to share with us her tips on green juice.  She has learned so much from her journey living with cancer and is a powerful advocate of food as medicine.  If you enjoy this article by Tina, share your comments below at the end of this article.   Sherold

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”  ~ Hippocrates

By Tina Pruitt

What?
Green juice, in essence, is a juice made primarily of vegetables and sometimes a small amount of fruit made in a juicer. Green juicing is more than just a trend, it’s a healthy way of adding much-needed nutrients into your diet.

How?

A juicer, unlike a blender, extracts the liquid juice — the liquid nutrition — from the vegetables and leaves behind the pulp. The result is sometimes referred to as “plant blood.” A blender, on the other hand, creates a thick, blended beverage with all the solids in a pureed form. High-speed blenders, such as the VitaMix, are super great for smoothies, and they can be used for juices if you strain out the pulp.  But, this is extra work, so why not just purchase a a high-quality juicer to rock your green juices?!  I personally own three different juicers made by different companies, but my favorite by far is the Breville (just in case you were wondering).

The juice produced by the juicer creates a wonderful medley of tastes, even though you may not think of the combination as appetizing when you get out your assortment of vegetables. You may even notice that what you are putting into the juicer as far as vegetables goes is much more than you would care to eat in a serving or even a day.

My favorite vegetables to put through the juicer for my green juice include kale, romaine lettuce, broccoli, parsley, sprouts, cucumbers and spinach. Occasionally I’ll throw in brightly colored peppers, garlic, a single carrot, ginger or garlic to give my juice an extra pop. If you want the “zing” of fruits, remember that lemon and lime are always acceptable. Apples, melons and pears are also go-to fruits for added sweetness — but always keep the fruit to one piece to keep the sugar level down. The nutritional benefits and alkaline perfection of the green vegetables is all you need for a wonderful daily juice!

Why?

The nutritional benefits of vegetables are undeniable, and green juicing highlights the following benefits in an easy-to-swallow form:

• No bulk equals easy digestion
• Liquid form allows your body to consume the nutrients quicker
• Juice allows you to consume more vegetables than in other ways
• Healthy weight-loss and weight management because you are getting the nutrients you need (curbs your appetite!)
• Supports your immune system with the additional pure nutrients
• Alkalizes your body which prevents disease commonly associated with an acidic diet
• Great tasting recipes!

So if you’re new to green juicing, or haven’t even began yet, I hope this post answers your newbie questions and gets you on the road to green juicing success!

Baja California Sur

We are three-quarters through our month-long adventure of living + working (my husband is on vacation) in Baja, Mexico.  I talked about this trip in a previous post on how to set up a location independent business. This dream that we made a reality will rank up there as one of the best things we have done.  We plan to rent a house in Loreto Bay again next winter.

Technology has improved so much that connectivity is not the issue it used to be when I traveled for clients in my previous PR business.  Back in the late 90s and early 2000 years, my laptops were heavier and more cumbersome than today’s streamlined laptops.

The technology that allows me to work with ease is Skype.  I simply use Skype to call my clients worldwide for our meetings.  I have the U.S. / Canada and Mexico plan and it’s free!  Occasionally a call will be dropped, but it hasn’t been a problem.

Recently people have asked me how we are able to get so many free miles to use for traveling.  Last year we earned at least 300,000 miles through Chris Guillebeau’s travel hacking site called The Travel Hacking Cartel.

Full disclosure here, I am an affiliate of the Cartel.  That means if you decide to join and click on the link here, I get a small token of change for each member.  I do not do this for the money – trust me.  I do this to help you all learn how to prudently earn airline miles and get loyalty points for hotels.

So in the spirit of helping you make your travel dreams come true, here’s an excerpt from a recent blog on Chris’ site.

Questions And Answers About Travel Hacking

From The Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Guillebeau

A few weeks ago I mentioned I had created a page on the site that lists current airline mileage credit card bonuses. With just a couple of new cards, you can earn 100,000 miles or more—and then book round-trip plane tickets all over the world.

Much to my surprise, card bonuses have continued to get better and better over the past couple of years. It’s never been easier to earn a large stash of points or miles that you can quickly convert to plane tickets and hotel stays.

I’ve now created a whole minisite to serve as a free resource for those who are interested. We’ll keep this site updated with current offers and more detailed information on how you can take advantage of mileage earning for years to come.

Update: we now have a whole website devoted to credit card offers. Check out CardsforTravel.com for the most updated info.

***

If you’ve seen the Frequent Flyer Challenge (where Chris earned 300,000 miles in one month without flying), you may wonder what the best cards are.

Wonder no more! Here’s a handy resources page kept up to date with the latest credit card offers in one spot.

The Best Cards

Chase Sapphire—A new card receiving great reviews from travelers of all kinds. Get 50,000 miles that can transfer to United or Hyatt (and others), no annual fee for the first year, and no foreign transaction fees.

Chase Ink Bold—A good companion card to the Chase Sapphire, this business card also offers 50,000 points and no annual fee for the first year.

Starwood Preferred Guest—The go-to card for personal spending now includes a 30,000 signup bonus.

Starwood Preferred Guest, Business Version—If you have a business, you can get an additional card with an additional 30,000 miles. Cha-ching!

Delta Gold AmEX—30,000 base miles with a low minimum spend of $500 in three months.

AmEx Platinum—This card has a pricey annual fee, but you get almost half of it back in annual airline credit, and you also get free access at hundreds of airline lounges. Worth it for the active traveler.

Citibank AA Visa, MC, and AmEx—Reliable bonuses of 30,000 per card, and you can often apply for two cards (one Visa or Mastercard and one AmEx) at the same time.

continued here

I talked to Jen about what she is learning from her year-long experiment with Savor & Serve the World, and her upcoming course The Shero’s Journey. We both have a strong interest in Joseph Campbell’s work and in bringing forth the Shero’s Journey instead of the male version. My belief is that it takes the qualities of the divine feminine to heal this world of war, poverty and extraction of the world’s resources. I am showcasing Jen’s work because she is a role model in empowering women in the world.

We all go through our own Shero’s Journey as women. It’s how we view our journey that counts. What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts.